shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
