Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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