And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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