I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
