Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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