You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
