How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
