Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im holly from the hills drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
