my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
