My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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