GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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