Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize