Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize