i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
