hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
