he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just google imaged poop.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
