I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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