it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
