The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
