You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
