My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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