I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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