I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
