its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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