Only a mothe r could love this liver
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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