Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we have officially lost it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
