I need help removing her.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
