If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
