P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
