shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
