i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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