Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
