i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
