Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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