I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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