Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
