I will die if light touches me.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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