No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
