There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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