You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Come see our sink grown plant.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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