It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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