Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
