He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
