woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
