I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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