what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
