i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
