Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
