So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
