My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize