dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
