his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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