Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
