Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
