I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
