Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
