is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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