I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
