think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
