too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
