I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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