I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
