It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize