I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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