i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
