Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
