Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm passing your future prison.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
