Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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