As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
