You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
