I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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