This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
