brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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