thus making me awesome and them whores
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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