we have pet lesbian snakes
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
