I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
