There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
