you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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